Could anyone help me improve these two paragraphs: 

Golding is exposing the hidden dangers of democracy in the novel; the reader will be wary of what democracy can and will achieve. We first see this in Golding’s description of Ralph’s first meeting, describing the boys as having “sun slashed faces”. The use of the adjective ‘sun slashed’ implies that Ralph sees the boys as intimidating, which is a problem, and not a good quality for a leader to have. This makes the reader wary and anxious over whether Ralph’s style of leadership is effective in keeping control over the rest of the boys. Also, the Sun isn’t shedding light, but rather revealing-harsh and aggressive. The appeasement style of Ralph links to the leadership of Neville Chamberlain, contrasting with the aggressive leadership style of fascism associated with leaders like Hitler and Mussolini. Golding is alluding to the fact that Chamberlain and Ralph are similar-they are both nice and kind, but not necessarily a good leader (like Hitler was). Golding knows from the failure of Chamberlain to deal with Hitler and Nazi Germany caused the start of World War Two, and he is comparing this to Ralph being unable to control the boys. This in itself is quite ominous and foreshadows the collapse of the democratic system later in the novel, which creates tension within the reader.

In Chapter 3, Golding represents the darker side of human nature by using Jack to foreshadow the boys’ descent into savagery. We first see this idea when Jack demands “but we want meat”. The important thing about this is the boys don’t actually need meat, as there is plenty of fruit on the island itself. This shows the greedy nature of Jack, which Golding, from his own experiences of the second world war, believes is one of the main causes of countries going to war. Jack’s greed and aggressiveness help Golding to remind the reader that countries don’t go war because they need to deal with an issue/dispute, but rather that they are greedy and want to conquer the land, people and earn money, even though they already have everything they could possibly need on Earth. Golding is also playing on the fears of the time of a nuclear war being imminent to foreshadow the outbreak of a similar conflict between the boys. This pessimistic tone continues when we are told that Jack had a “compulsion to track down and kill”. The description Golding uses brings to the reader’s mind images of animals and hunting. Here, Golding is foreshadowing Jack’s descent into savagery and hinting at the terrible behaviour to come later in the novel. Golding saw the animalistic, fundamentally evil side to humanity in and after world war two, which is the reason behind the boy’s behaviour being the way it is in the novel.

I'm SOOOOOOOOOOO bad at english so any help would be MASSIVELY appreciated 

thanks x