Marriage in Buddhism

This section explores Marriage in Buddhism. Buddhism, unlike some other religious traditions, does not view marriage as a religious duty but more as a legal and social contract between two individuals. Marriage is seen as a partnership that serves societal, emotional, and practical purposes, rather than a sacred obligation. It is not something that is mandated by the Buddha’s teachings, but rather a personal and cultural choice. In Buddhist cultures, marriage is often viewed through the lens of respect, harmony, and mutual support.

While marriage is not a religious ritual for Buddhists, many choose to incorporate Buddhist traditions into their wedding ceremonies. In many Buddhist communities, couples tend to follow the marriage laws and customs of their respective countries. It is common, for example, for a couple to visit a temple for a blessing after the legal ceremony has taken place, as a way to honour their marriage and receive blessings from the monastic community.

The Sigalovada Sutta: Guidance for Couples

One of the central texts that offers guidance on marriage is the Sigalovada Sutta, which is part of the Digha Nikaya. This scripture contains advice on how men and women should treat each other in a marriage. The Buddha is quoted as giving specific instructions for both husbands and wives on how to maintain a harmonious and respectful relationship.

For husbands, the Sigalovada Sutta outlines five key ways they should treat their wives:

Honouring their wives.

Not disrespecting them.

Being faithful to them.

Sharing authority and decision-making equally.

Giving gifts to show appreciation and love.

Similarly, the Sutta offers advice on how wives should behave in marriage:

Being well-organised and managing the household effectively.

Being kindly disposed towards in-laws and household workers.

Being faithful to their husbands.

Looking after the household goods and ensuring that family needs are met.

Being skilful and diligent in carrying out household duties.

While these roles are outlined in traditional terms, many modern Buddhists believe that these responsibilities are equally applicable to both partners. For example, both spouses should contribute to maintaining respect, trust, and responsibility within the marriage.

The Importance of Friendships and Relationships

Buddhism also places great emphasis on the value of friendships and the deep interconnectedness of individuals within a society. The Buddha taught that strong relationships with family and friends contribute to a stable and healthy society, as they encourage mutual respect, compassion, and empathy. Therefore, relationships, whether familial, romantic, or platonic, are seen as important foundations for personal and societal wellbeing.

Wedding Ceremonies in Buddhism

Buddhist wedding ceremonies vary greatly depending on the cultural context and personal preferences of the couple. While some Buddhists may choose to have a simple ceremony, others may have a more elaborate celebration. The structure of the ceremony can include elements such as fortune-telling to choose an auspicious wedding date, offering prayers or blessings from monks, and making offerings to the Buddha.

For instance, in an Asian Buddhist wedding ceremony, the steps might include:

Fortune reading – The couple consults an astrologer or monk to select a lucky wedding date based on their individual horoscopes.

Modern elements – The ceremony may blend traditional rituals with modern practices, such as cutting a wedding cake or offering gifts to one another.

A wedding pavilion – The ceremony is often held in a specially decorated pavilion, which is a symbolic place of gathering and celebration.

Monk’s blessing – A monk is invited to bless the couple and offer prayers for their happiness and harmony in marriage.

Recitation from the Sigalovada Sutta – The monk may recite verses from the Sutta, reminding the couple of the importance of mutual respect and love.

Offerings to Buddha – The couple presents flowers, food, or incense to the Buddha as a sign of gratitude and devotion.

Feasting – A celebratory feast often follows, with family and friends coming together to share in the joy of the union.

Polygamy in Buddhism

While polygamy is illegal in many countries, such as the UK, it is not strictly forbidden by Buddhist teachings. In fact, the Buddha is quoted in the Therīgāthā (a collection of verses by early female followers of the Buddha) as acknowledging the suffering that can arise from being a co-wife. The Buddha teaches that polygamy is not ideal because it can lead to suffering for all involved, and as such, it is discouraged in Buddhist communities.

One teaching on this subject from the Jātaka tales (stories about the Buddha's past lives) states:

“Let him not have a wife in common with another.” (Jātaka 6:546)

This suggests that monogamous relationships are seen as more harmonious and conducive to peace of mind.

Divorce and Remarriage in Buddhism

Divorce in Buddhism is not seen as inherently sinful or wrong, but rather as a necessary step when a couple can no longer live in peace and harmony with one another. Buddhism emphasises that dukkha (suffering) should be avoided, and if staying in a marriage causes ongoing suffering for both parties, divorce may be the most compassionate option. However, most Buddhists would believe that divorce should not be entered into lightly and should only be considered after all efforts to resolve the issues have been exhausted.

The Dalai Lama has commented on the issue of divorce, particularly in the context of Western attitudes towards marriage:

“Too many people in the West have given up on marriage. They don't understand that it is about developing a mutual admiration of someone, deep respect and trust, and awareness of another human's needs... The new easy-come, easy-go relationships give us more freedom – but less contentment.”
This statement highlights the value placed on commitment and mutual respect in marriage within Buddhist teachings.

Regarding remarriage, Buddhists generally view it as a fresh opportunity for a fulfilling relationship based on love, respect, and mutual support. The Dalai Lama has also spoken on the topic of compassion and loving-kindness in relationships, stating that:

“I believe that at every level of society, the key to a happier and more successful world is the growth of compassion. Just as compassion is the wish that all sentient beings be free of suffering, loving-kindness is the wish that all may enjoy happiness.”

For Buddhists, remarriage can be seen as an opportunity to cultivate a compassionate relationship where both partners grow together in understanding, joy, and love.

Marriage in Buddhism is not viewed as a religious duty but as a personal and social commitment rooted in mutual respect and love. Buddhist teachings offer clear guidance on how couples should treat each other, emphasising kindness, fidelity, and compassion. The practice of mutual respect and harmony is central to a successful marriage, and couples are encouraged to seek the Four Sublime States—loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity; in their relationships. Divorce and remarriage, though not viewed as ideal, are considered options when they help reduce dukkha for both individuals involved. Ultimately, compassion and love are seen as key elements in both the creation and the preservation of healthy relationships in Buddhism.