Sex and Relationships in Buddhism

This section explains how sex and relationships are viewed in Buddhism, focusing on: Celibacy, Adultery and Unfaithfulness, Contraception and Family Planning and Same Sex Relationships. In Buddhism, sexual morality is approached with an emphasis on avoiding unskilful behaviour, which is defined as actions that cause harm or suffering to oneself or others. While there are varying views within the Buddhist community, the Five Moral Precepts guide Buddhists in matters related to sex, relationships, and ethical conduct. These Precepts outline the importance of living with integrity, honesty, and compassion.

Many Buddhists do not consider marriage to be an essential requirement for engaging in sexual relationships. Instead, they focus on ensuring that their actions are in line with the principles of ethical conduct. In this sense, sexual activity outside of marriage may be acceptable as long as it does not involve greed, selfishness, or dishonesty, which would cause suffering. For example, in a romantic relationship, a Buddhist may seek to ensure that both partners are consensual, respectful, and honest in their actions.

However, some Buddhists believe that unmarried sexual relationships are unskilful and might be considered a breach of the Third Moral Precept, which prohibits sexual misconduct. The Third Precept advises Buddhists to refrain from sexual misconduct, which is understood as actions that harm others or go against the principles of respect and consent. In this context, engaging in sexual relationships outside of a committed, responsible relationship could be seen as dishonest or exploitative, depending on the circumstances.

It’s important to note that Buddhism has diverse traditions and practices, meaning that views on sexual ethics can vary significantly. For example, in the Zen tradition of Mahayana Buddhism, it is quite common for priests and monks to be married and have families. This reflects a different understanding of the role of celibacy and sexual conduct in the spiritual life.

Celibacy in the Monastic Life

In contrast to the view of married Buddhist clergy, many Buddhist monks and nuns choose a life of celibacy. Celibacy allows them to focus their energy on their spiritual practice, including meditation, study, and reflection, without the distractions or attachments that can arise from sexual desire or intimate relationships. For example, in the Theravada Buddhist tradition, monks take a vow of celibacy as a way of renouncing worldly attachments to focus on their journey towards Nirvana. By abstaining from sexual activity, they aim to cultivate greater mental clarity, discipline, and insight into the nature of suffering (dukkha).

Adultery and Unfaithfulness

Adultery is widely considered by Buddhists to be a violation of the Third Moral Precept, which prohibits sexual misconduct. This is because adultery often involves dishonesty, craving, and the suffering caused to all parties involved; whether it is the married partner, the adulterer, or the person with whom the affair occurs.

The Parabhava Sutta, a Buddhist scripture, states:

“Not to be contented with one's own wife, and to be seen with harlots and the wives of others – this is a cause of one's downfall.” (Parabhava Sutta)

This highlights the importance of faithfulness and honesty in relationships, suggesting that infidelity can lead to personal and relational harm. Buddhists believe that craving—especially in terms of seeking sexual pleasure outside of a committed relationship; can create suffering and disrupt the harmony within relationships. As such, unfaithfulness is seen as an unskilful act that goes against the fundamental values of compassion and respect.

Contraception and Family Planning

Buddhists generally consider the use of contraception as a responsible means of preventing unwanted pregnancies and managing family size. This approach aligns with the Buddhist principle of avoiding harm (ahimsa) and promoting the well-being of individuals and families. Contraception allows couples to make mindful, informed choices about when to have children, helping to ensure that children are brought into the world under the right circumstances, with adequate resources and care.

However, there are some Buddhists who believe that rebirth occurs at the moment of conception, and therefore, they might feel that certain methods of contraception, such as abortifacient methods, go against the First Moral Precept. The First Precept urges Buddhists to avoid killing or causing harm to sentient beings. In this view, any action that interferes with the potential for life or rebirth may be seen as breaking this precept, though this perspective is not universally held among all Buddhist communities.

Same-Sex Relationships and Same-Sex Marriage in Buddhism

The attitude towards same-sex relationships in Buddhism is not uniform, and beliefs may vary depending on cultural context and the specific Buddhist tradition. However, many Buddhists would argue that homosexual relationships should be evaluated based on their ethical quality rather than the gender of the partners involved. For example, a same-sex couple who treat each other with respect, love, and compassion would be seen as living in harmony with Buddhist values, just as a heterosexual couple would be.

In recent years, some Buddhist leaders have openly supported same-sex marriage. One such leader, Ven. Master Hsing Yun, a prominent Chinese Buddhist teacher, has stated:

“Homosexuality is neither right nor wrong. It is just something that people do.”

This view reflects a more tolerant and inclusive understanding of sexual orientation within Buddhism, emphasising that it is the ethical conduct and the quality of the relationship that matters, not the gender of the partners. This perspective can be seen in places like Taiwan, where the first same-sex Buddhist wedding took place in 2019. The ceremony, which involved Huang Mei-yu and her partner Yu Ya-ting, was officiated by a Buddhist monk, showcasing a growing acceptance of same-sex relationships in some Buddhist communities.

Buddhism offers a flexible and compassionate framework for thinking about issues such as sex before marriage, cohabitation, and same-sex marriage. The key emphasis is on living an ethical life that avoids causing harm and suffering to others. While there is some variation across Buddhist cultures and traditions, most Buddhists would agree that sexual relationships should be based on principles of honesty, respect, and compassion, rather than rigid rules about marriage or sexual orientation. Ultimately, the focus is on cultivating skilful and mindful conduct in all relationships, ensuring that they are sources of harmony and mutual support.