Marriage in Judaism

This section explains the Nature and Purpose of Marriage in Judaism. In Judaism, marriage is viewed as a sacred bond that is a gift from God, intended to bring two individuals together in love, companionship, and spiritual fulfilment. As stated in Genesis 2:28, “God said, ‘It is not good for the human to be alone; I will make a fitting counterpart for him.’” This foundational scripture highlights the importance of companionship and the divine intention for human relationships to be rooted in mutual support and love.

For many Jews, the principal purpose of marriage is procreation, as it is believed to be a divine command. In Genesis 1:28, God instructs humanity to “be fruitful and multiply”, which many Jews interpret as an obligation to have children and continue the Jewish faith through successive generations. For this reason, marriage is often seen as a means of building a Jewish home where children can be raised in the traditions and values of Judaism. The Talmud, a central text of Rabbinic Jewish teachings, also emphasises that marriage is a commitment not only to each other but to creating a home that honours God.

In Judaism, marriage is a sacred act that goes beyond the legal or social contract; it is a spiritual union, where the couple’s love for each other serves as a reflection of God’s love for the Jewish people.

Key Elements of a Jewish Wedding

The Jewish wedding ceremony is rich in symbolism and tradition, with several key elements that represent the spiritual and practical commitments of marriage:

Signing the Ketubah: The couple signs the ketubah, a marriage contract that outlines the husband’s responsibilities to his wife, including his obligation to provide for her financially and emotionally. It is signed in the presence of two witnesses.

The Veil: The bridegroom places the veil over the bride's face, symbolising modesty and the concept of mutual respect in marriage.

The Huppah: The couple stands together under the huppah (a wedding canopy), which represents the new home they will build together. This is one of the central symbols of the Jewish wedding.

The Seven Circles: The bride walks around the groom seven times, symbolising the creation of a new bond, as well as the seven days of creation in the Torah.

Blessings and Wine: Blessings over the marriage are recited, and the couple drinks a glass of wine together, signifying joy and the sanctification of their union.

Exchange of Rings: The groom gives the bride an unbroken ring, representing the eternity of their commitment and the continuity of their relationship.

The Breaking of the Glass: At the end of the ceremony, the groom breaks a glass underfoot, symbolising the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem and the recognition that even in times of joy, Jews should remember their historical suffering.

These elements are designed to bless the couple’s union and remind them of the responsibilities they have towards one another, their family, and their faith.

The Talmudic Teachings on Marriage

Jewish tradition places a significant emphasis on the roles that husband and wife have within the marriage. The Talmud contains specific guidance on how married couples should treat each other, encouraging mutual respect, love, and care:

• “A man should love his wife as much as he loves himself, and honour her more than he honours himself.” (Yevamot 62b)
• “A wife brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She is clothed with strength and dignity … When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness.” (Proverbs 31:10-12; 25-26)

According to these teachings, a successful marriage is one where both partners honour and support each other. By following these commands, couples are promised divine rewards and blessings.

Polygamy

Polygamy, the practice of marrying multiple spouses, was once allowed within Judaism but is now largely unaccepted in modern Jewish communities. In the UK, polygamy is illegal, and Jewish law also prohibits it. Rabbenu Gershom, a prominent Jewish scholar in the 11th century, declared that polygamy would no longer be permissible in Jewish communities. As a result, monogamy has become the standard for Jewish marriage.

Divorce and Remarriage

Although divorce is generally seen as a last resort in Jewish teachings, it is accepted in certain circumstances, recognising that not all marriages will work out and that individuals have the right to seek happiness and peace.

Judaism teaches that marriage is a sacred commitment, and divorce is viewed as a painful process that even causes God distress. As stated in Malachi 2:16, “For I hate divorce, says the Lord, the God of Israel.” The Talmud further describes the sorrow divorce brings, saying: “When a man puts aside the wife of his youth, even the very altar weeps.” (Gittin 90b). This highlights the gravity of divorce in Jewish tradition and the emotional and spiritual impact it has on the individuals involved.

In Judaism, the process of divorce is formalised through the giving of a ‘get’, a Jewish bill of divorce. This document must be given by the husband to the wife and is witnessed by two Jewish individuals. In the UK, a legal civil divorce must also occur in order for the divorce to be recognised by the state.

In Orthodox Judaism, the ‘get’ is a critical part of the divorce process, but the decision to divorce must be mutual. The Torah states: “If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her, and sends her from his house.” (Deuteronomy 24:1). This highlights that divorce is allowed, but it is a serious decision that must be made with careful consideration.

Once the ‘get’ is granted and a civil divorce is completed, the individuals involved are allowed to remarry, though certain restrictions may apply. For example, in Orthodox Judaism, a woman who has been divorced may not remarry unless her first husband grants her a ‘get’, and in some cases, a man may not remarry if his wife is still living unless the divorce is fully recognised.

Marriage in Judaism is a sacred bond, deeply intertwined with the faith and traditions of the Jewish people. It is a union that not only brings two individuals together but also establishes a home that honours God’s commandments. The ceremony itself, with its various rituals and symbols, reflects the spiritual significance of marriage in Jewish life, while the teachings from the Talmud guide couples to treat each other with love, respect, and honour. Although divorce is permitted, it is viewed as a serious and painful process that should be approached with caution. Ultimately, marriage in Judaism is seen as a means of fulfilling God's commandments, creating a family, and continuing the Jewish faith for future generations.