Sex and Relationships in Judaism

This section explains sex and relationships in Judaism, focusing on: Sex Outside Marriage, Adultery, Contraception, and Same Sex Relationships. In Judaism, sexual relationships are traditionally viewed as something that should occur only within the sanctity of marriage. The basis for this belief can be found in Genesis 2:24, which states: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” This passage highlights the deep connection that marriage creates between a husband and wife, which is seen as the ideal context for sexual intimacy. Maimonides, a prominent Jewish philosopher, further explains that by becoming “one flesh,” the husband and wife form a unique and sacred bond, making marriage the most appropriate environment for sexual relationships.

However, while many Jews hold this traditional view, some Liberal Jews are more flexible. They may accept that sex before marriage or cohabitation can be appropriate in certain circumstances, provided the relationship is loving, committed, and faithful. This more liberal approach allows for individual choice in deciding when to engage in sexual activity, as long as the relationship is grounded in mutual respect and emotional stability.

Adultery

In Judaism, adultery is considered a grave violation of both personal and divine trust. One of the Ten Commandments clearly prohibits adultery: “You shall not commit adultery.” (Shemot 20:14). This commandment is a cornerstone of Jewish ethics and is seen not only as a moral breach between individuals but also as a spiritual betrayal of God’s will for marriage.

Marriage in Judaism is not just a union between two individuals but is seen as a covenant that reflects the relationship between the Jewish people and God. Therefore, adultery is seen as a betrayal of God’s sacred gift of marriage. Jewish teachings emphasize that sexual faithfulness is a vital aspect of marital integrity, and infidelity is often viewed as causing harm to the stability of the relationship and to the broader community.

Example:

A couple in an Orthodox Jewish community who experience adultery might undergo counselling from a rabbi or spiritual leader to try to restore the trust in their marriage, though in some cases, divorce may be seen as the inevitable consequence.

Contraception

Judaism teaches that children are a blessing and a gift from God. This is reflected in Psalm 127:3, which states: “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from Him.” Given this view, the primary purpose of sexual relations within marriage is often understood to be procreation. As such, many Jews believe that contraception should be used thoughtfully, and its use should align with the couple’s desire to have children and build a family.

Orthodox Jews may consult with a Rabbinic authority to determine whether contraception is appropriate for them. Rabbis often consider each couple's unique circumstances, including their health, financial situation, and the well-being of potential children. In some cases, certain methods of contraception may be discouraged, particularly those that permanently prevent pregnancy, as there is a strong emphasis on procreation within marriage.

The story of Onan in Genesis 38:6-10 is frequently cited as a basis for the prohibition against certain contraceptive methods. In this account, Onan is punished by God for spilling his seed on the ground instead of fulfilling his duty to produce offspring with his brother’s widow. Many Jews interpret this story as a divine command to restrict certain forms of contraception, especially those that interfere with conception.

However, Liberal and Reform Jews generally take a more lenient approach, believing that the decision to use contraception, and the type of contraception used, should be left up to the individual couple. They emphasise the importance of mutual decision-making in marriage and respect for personal choice in family planning.

Example:

An Orthodox Jewish couple may seek advice from a rabbi when deciding whether to use contraception after having their first child. Meanwhile, a Reform Jewish couple may feel comfortable discussing birth control options with their healthcare provider and making a decision based on their personal circumstances.

Same-Sex Relationships

The topic of same-sex marriage in Judaism has been a point of contention, particularly in light of changing laws in countries such as the UK. Since the UK legalised same-sex marriage in 2013, many Jewish communities have had to reconsider their stance on the issue. Orthodox Jews, in particular, continue to oppose same-sex marriage, using teachings from the Torah and traditional Jewish law to support their views.

In Leviticus 18:22, the Torah states: “You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a woman; it is an abomination.” Many Jews interpret this verse as a clear prohibition against homosexual acts and, by extension, same-sex marriage. For these Jews, marriage can only be between a man and a woman, and any relationship outside this framework is not considered valid according to religious law.

However, there is also a debate within the Jewish community about the distinction between sexual inclination and sexual practice. Some Jewish individuals who identify as homosexual may choose to remain celibate, avoiding sexual activity in order to adhere to religious teachings. This reflects the belief that while same-sex attraction may not be sinful in itself, acting upon it is seen as conflicting with Jewish law.

In contrast, Liberal, Reform, and Masorti Jews have increasingly accepted same-sex marriage. These branches often point to the idea that all human beings are created in God's image as stated in Genesis 1:27: “God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” From this perspective, the gender of the individuals involved in a marriage is not as important as their commitment to each other and their faith.

Some Liberal synagogues perform ceremonies for same-sex couples, known as Shutafut (partnership ceremonies), recognising their unions as legitimate and holy. This reflects a more inclusive approach to marriage, where the focus is on love, commitment, and shared values, rather than traditional gender roles.

Example:

A same-sex couple in a Reform Jewish community may choose to marry in a synagogue that offers a Shutafut ceremony, which mirrors traditional Jewish marriage rituals but is designed for same-sex couples. This ceremony may include blessings, the signing of a ketubah, and the sharing of wine, similar to a traditional wedding, but adapted to reflect the couple’s commitment to each other.

In Judaism, the teachings surrounding sex before marriage, adultery, contraception, and same-sex marriage reflect a complex interplay of traditional religious beliefs and contemporary societal values. While Orthodox Jews tend to adhere strictly to traditional teachings, such as the prohibition of sex before marriage and the acceptance of only heterosexual marriage, more Liberal and Reform Jews are more open to personal choices, particularly regarding contraception and same-sex marriage. As such, Jewish views on these issues continue to evolve, with individuals and communities seeking ways to balance faith and modernity in their lives.